So once again I find myself awake a lot longer after work than I should be. I'm tired that's for sure but every attempt at sleeping at these times is a struggle. I will say this, I have watched How To Train Your Dragon every day this week so far. There are also zero regrets on that one because this Friday is the sequel! This is one of the movies I'm really excited for this year for sure. Hopefully the early showings this weekend aren't crazy packed :D
From how my attempts at sleep go I'm pretty sure the reason it's hard is from what I think about. That's really the reason for this post is I just need to type thing out. There are things that need to be put down because there isn't enough room for all that.
For instance, I will most likely go see How To Train Your Dragon 2 but part of me will feel bad because of my situation. Since I have all these bills coming in from cancer treatments I've started to be scared of spending money. Anytime I think about spending money there always this feeling of guilt since I should be saving money for the bills. Maybe I'm just being a little too hard on myself at this time since all this is getting pretty stressful.
The other side of the coin is any trips that I have planned with friends or family have either been modified or cancelled because of all this. Do I really have to put every thing I wanted to do for myself or my fiance on complete hold? Or forget about the ideas completely because I will either be too weak, too sick, getting treatment, or surgery, or going to check up with doctors, etc.
So I feel terrible for spending some money for personal/family enjoyment but also for screwing with a year's worth of plans. All this because of my cancer and stuff. Maybe like I said before I'm just being hard on myself.
