Wednesday, December 31, 2014

30 Days of WoW - Day 11 - New Guild


Nobody will understand this most likely but I was actually quite happy when I got my invite to this guild. It's been a long time since I've been part of an active guild that constantly has members on running something. Hopefully now I'll get some rated battleground experience.

P.S. - My goat is beautiful.

With love,
Nubby

Monday, December 29, 2014

Sunday, December 28, 2014

30 Days of WoW - Day 9 - Wolf Touched by the Void

hunter pet gara
Gara looking pretty.

The new spirit beast that Blizzard added this expansion is named Gara. What I loved the most about this spirit beast is it's different look as well as the chain quest to acquire him. Remember though if you want this guy for a pet you need to be a Beast Master Hunter.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

30 Days of WoW - Day 5 - New 90 WoD Walkthrough

 
This video I tried to add a little section for the basics of setting up more action bars. We are gonna need the room for all the spells we get. I still am looking for feedback in any way for this series to improve upon it. Might not be able to make another video in the next day because of Christmas BUT I am definitely looking forward to leveling my warrior through this project. Excited to see how far I get. Thanks again for all the support guys and please share if you liked anything you see.  

With love,  
Nubby

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

30 Days of WoW - Day 4 - New 90 WoD Walkthrough


The next installment of my Fresh 90 series on YouTube. A let's play series that tries to explain a lot more of what is happening during the new 90 questing experience. I try adding any tips or explanations that I can think of a long the way. With the idea that I might be helping someone that is brand new to this game and is overwhelmed with the information thrown at them. The whole playthrough has been fun since I have it set up like a play along. Which I'm trying to make easily understandable so new players won't get lost watching my series. As always I would love some critique to help myself improve the quality of my series.

With love,  
Nubby

Cancer Update Post - The Final Verdict For Now

So yesterday I finished up the last of my scans before I meet with my doctor. I've gone through PET/CT scans as well as another MRI. Later today I should see the results of these and hear my doctors opinion on the current state of the cancer within my body. Or hopefully lack there of...

Unfortunately I've actually been a nervous wreck all weekend and yesterday. I haven't really slept much because I just want the answer so I can move forward. To get started on the next part of my journey so whether it's good news or bad I need to keep my head high. With the reactions I've had to the chemo and radiation the results have to be good so far. I just hope what we've done to this point is enough because if it isn't enough then will it ever be? I'd say one of the worst things about this situation is the part where it's all just a giant dice roll. There are no guarantees in any part of this which makes it exhausting to stay positive sometimes. However, I think I've done a fairly fine job at keeping the good vibes for me and people I surround myself with.

I've spent the past year fighting this and nothing would make me happier than to get the Christmas preset that they are fairly certain my fight might be done. BEST CHRISTMAS EVER and allows me to bring in the New Year with a bang. Start the process of getting back to my old self again. Starting my daily workouts again and building my strength up again. Start my YouTube journey in full once again at last. Also slowly integrate myself back into martial arts which helps me greatly physically but also mentally. I can say that the mentality instilled in me from my martial arts instructor has helped me through this along with my friends.

No matter the results I have to keep on the grind. Be the warrior that I know I can be and have been trying to be.

With love,
Nubby

Monday, December 22, 2014

30 Days of WoW - Day 3 - New 90 WoD Walkthrough


The biggest part of my 30 Days of WoW content project is the video section. I want to create a video series that starts off where bought 90s do. I realized that not everyone has played WoW for 10 years and us veteran friends sometimes aren't available to help. So hopefully by adding some tips and tricks along the way new players can more easily mold into the game. I mean seriously the amount of information that is thrown at you if you are completely new to this is out of this world.

For best viewing pleasure it might be best to watch this directly on my YouTube channel. But please leave comments on here or on YouTube of what should be added, some tips you may have learned or just give me some critique. I want to use this series to practice my content making so improving as I go along is a MAJOR goal. Hope you guys help mold me into a better Blogger and YouTuber over the course of this series.

With love, Nubby

Sunday, December 21, 2014

30 Days of WoW - Day 2 - Into the Portal (alt Shaman)

It's time for an alt and this time I think I need some Shaman in my life...

By the way there might be some spoilers in here so be warned if you haven't started your journey in Warlords of Draenor yet...

Overview of what's through the portal immediately






WoW Shaman
Isn't he just precious looking?



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Once you are through the portal you are immediately thrown into the task of shutting it down. Which requires freeing Gul'Dan himself which will have it's own consequences later for sure. Once the portal is down you have to make a run for it with Thrall and Khadgar through the heart of the Iron Horde.

Preparing our next move with the big man Thrall himself
This involves running into pretty much every Iron Horde leader in some way. The big moments for me were fighting in an arena before Kargath himself. Only to end with us being chased into a cave where we got to meet Ner'Zhul, who kindly tried to bury us. Luckily Khadgar is a total bad ass and teleports everyone out. OP much?

After surviving being buried alive we are thrust immediately at the leader Blackhand and his war machines. This leads to us forcing our way through using their own weapon against the portal itself to bring it down and then running for our lives for escape. To the only orcs we can trust in the new world... The Frostwolf Clan. The Frostwolves are led by none other than Thrall's father so there might be some nice dialogue and cinematics during the Horde questing. Once you are in Frostfire Ridge you go through the motions of clearing the way for your garrison and the start of your journey in this new savage land.

Can't wait to give my shaman some more love and hopefully be able to enjoy end-game content from both factions. Elemental all the way this expansion! Don't care if it's weak again!

With love,
Nubby

Saturday, December 20, 2014

30 Days of WoW - Day 1 - The Heroic Bears

Have you ever seen all these bears take on heroics?

WoW Bears
Seriously I shoot arrows out of my face as a bear Hunter. Arrows! My face!

With love,
Nubby

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Pic of the Week - Arathi Basin Tie

This is the first time I have ever seen a tie in Arathi Basin! Didn't help that I was stuck at mine defending literally the whole game while I watched people fight on roads and not on flags. *sad face*

The Iron Horde Has Come - Top 5 Initial Reactions to Warlords of Draenor

Playing World of Warcraft since it's beginnings in 2004 has been a long journey through a lot of memory creating content. Luckily for me I've always had a handful of real life (RL) friends that were there to play with along the way on top of the friends I've made in-game. Which allowed for many WoW LAN parties and trips to local diners filled with glorious discussions of recent events in-game. Every expansion there always seemed to be those moments where people would stop playing or not as much as they used to. I for one did not play The Burning Crusade expansion extensively like some of my friends as I did not enjoy that content. Mostly because I was still rocking out on my druid which was still coming into it's own as a class still. Not the terrific druid class nowadays that the community calls out for nerfs on a weekly basis.

Each expansion, however, tried something new and attempted to bring something different to the table. No matter which version of WoW is your favorite there was a ton of hype around Warlords of Draenor (WoD). Specially after the constantly falling subscriber numbers throughout Mists of Pandaria, an expansion which a lot of people were not happy with. For any that don't believe the hype around WoD take these numbers in. During Mists of Pandaria the subscriber count fell to just above 6 million. After the release of WoD the subscriber count has shot up above 10 million once again. This means a lot of old players have come back expecting something big out of Blizzard again. Blizz has already come out and said that they have put a lot of passion and effort into making this one of their biggest expansions to date. The Iron Horde even brought me and my fiance back to the World which so far has been really enjoyable. Here's my top 5 things about Warlords of Draenor's that I've loved the most so far.

1. GARRISONS!!!!!!!!


Seriously these things are your own little slice of property in this new land. The best thing about them is they are more than just over glorified targets for a hearthstone. They provide multiple bonuses and offer ways to get gear, mounts, rep, banks, profession mats and more! You even get your own mine and herb garden which you harvest from no matter your profession. That's just the beginning though because you can get your own followers, such as Leeroy Jenkins himself, and assign them to do profession work or go on missions. Feeling lonely? Invite your friends to come chill at your garrison and take advantage of some of the buildings in which other players can use. Your garrison and every building plot can be upgraded and in the end you can celebrate your achievements in-game with statues of your glory.

2. Time-traveling Like McFly Himself


I am still figuring out all the details to this one but it's still bad ass none the less. We get to go back to a place in the timeline that was only looked at in the Warcraft games. Get to fight baddies that we've only seen in lore or older games.

3. The Story


The storyline that you get from questing in zones is one of the best things. I love games with great stories and Blizzard did not short change this go round. Some of the zones treat you to a quality cinematic that usually are epic things to watch. By far my favorite is the valiant decision of Prophet Velen in Shadowmoon Valley. New respect to the dude that just chills in the Dranei home city and never had a big voice until now.


4. The Grind from 90-100 Doesn't Feel Like a Grind


One of the worst things about expansions is dealing with the grind to the new level cap. Especially if the quests aren't fun and grind burns you out before you get to end-game. But in Warlords the quests keep moving at a good pace and it never felt like my progress was slowing down when getting to 100.


5. WoW IS FUN AGAIN!


More of my friends playing again than in the past 2 expansions and that is because finally people are excited to log on again. The game looks great and the story, cinematic, questing, along with the combat both PvE and PvP are solid.

I look forward to exploring more of the world and progressing through this expansion with all my friends again. Now if only I could find a guild that is active in the mornings after work :D

With love,
Nubby

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Cancer Update Post - Hopefully The Last Chemo Treatment

Well it's the beginning of December and I'm currently sitting through what is hopefully my last chemo treatment. Now I still need to do another days worth tomorrow since this treatment is Mon.-Fri. for 5 or so hours. I've decided though that after this treatment I want more scans to see where I'm at with all this. The last time I had scans was before my surgery that NEVER happened and those scans were terrific. The chemo treatments started the first week of April this year and have been happening every 3rd week afterwards. I've had nothing but positive results from the chemo and radiation which helps support my claim of wanting to be done or at least lessen the amount of treatment. I mean my chemo is really complex and quite rough to the point that most people couldn't handle my treatment. The drugs I get over an entire week most people only get a couple hours worth in one day. If I've gone through a whole year of this shit and I haven't had any sign of this spreading or coming back shouldn't I be able to make the call to be done?

I know that when I tell my doctor again that I want to be done they are going to try talking me into continuing treatment. Which at this point just seems like them pumping me full of more chemo just to see how much I can take. For me it's not just that I don't want to go through chemo anymore or that I'm tired of having no hair. The new year is almost upon us which means my PTO at work gets reset and my insurance makes changes to my benefits. I don't want to start the new year off by using up my PTO on more cancer treatments. It's not fair to me or my beautiful fiance when we have plans for our future. I've given cancer the year of 2014 but the new year is mine and I'm done giving cancer more of my time.

I know that some people say I should be worried about cutting the year long chemo plan short. What if the cancer comes back? What if it does spread to somewhere else in your body? What if... What if... What if... That's all cancer becomes at some point is a really big WHAT IF. Even if I was to go a full year's worth of chemo it wouldn't guarantee anything. Meaning that I would get chemo all the way through to April 2015 and it would still be a WHAT IF. At this point all I'm getting is chemo which can only do so much and by that I mean chemo can't kill all the cancer that might be still in my body. I've even been told this by the doctors which means when I stop getting chemo my body either does it's job and handles what's left or I get cancer again. This isn't rocket science to be honest and at this point I just want to be done.

To have even just the chance of getting my life back to normal is an amazing feeling. I truly believe that if I was to stop chemo I would be fine. With how positive my results have been it would be a major kick in the nuts if it came back. I want to be able to stop missing work because of chemo or not having enough money to just enjoy life a little. To feel like my old self again and have the energy to start martial arts again. To start making YouTube content again is something I've been looking forward too as well. Of course there is also my wedding that has already been put off an entire year because of cancer and that is not happening again. 2015 is the year my life starts to get better again and goes upward. I'm tired and fed up of feeling like I'm just slowly circling the drain going nowhere.

Just another rant and thanks a ton if you read through it all.

With love,
Nubby

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Cancer Update Post - Can't Sleep Again

Well once again I find it to be late for me and I've been tired. Can't sleep this time though because when I go to sleep I know I'm waking up to more chemo treatment. This will hopefully be my second-to-last one to go through. Since everything is still looking good to go after my radiation which I just started receiving the "maybe" bills for. They labeled it as "therapeutic" radiation treatment and I don't know what other cancer patients think but... that is not therapeutic.

I think what freaks me out the most is after all this chemo I've had I know the drugs now. I know which ones hit me harder. I know which ones put me down for most of the week. I know just by the bag size and color now. I know what they taste like as they hit my bloodstream through the port in my chest. I know the side effects I'll get while getting the treatment. That's why I don't sleep though so I'm super tired by the time I get there. That way I just try to sleep through a majority of treatment. My own little personal version of time travel. That is until I have to wake up so I can go piss orange...

I know this is going to be a really hard week for me. The drug I'm getting today I haven't had the whole time I was going through radiation. It was simply too toxic to give to me then  but now I must endure it again. The bag is huge and I get it in the course of a day which is a lot to take in from how they have explained it. Usually by the time this is over it will be hard to do anything even if it is something simple like typing or clicking a lot (like in video games). That's where it gets hard to entertain yourself because your so weak but you can't sleep all the time. There are still life things to do and also trying to make sure I eat something every once in a while...without wanting to hurl.

But I will accept it with a smile, come home with a smile, and get through this without many issues. I know now after the year I've had that I'm a tough son of a bitch and nobody can tell me otherwise. However, I also have some of the greatest friends and family that have helped me a long the way that I'm grateful for. It's the perks of building friendships that you wanted to last a lifetime. Yeah a lot of us have become distant because of life choices or just life in general. But we all know that we have each others back no matter the distance and time.

Just needed to rant a little and get some shit out there and thanks for reading!

With love,
Nubby

Monday, November 3, 2014

Pic of the Week - Super Smash Bros. 3DS


Take in the fantastic moment made of choices. What's a player to do against a player-controlled-air-hopping can that explodes for too much damage?

If you have an epic or funny pic either link it in the comments or email me at nubbygaming13@gmail.com!

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Super Smash Bros. 3DS - Champ of the Week - Luigi

So decided to start a weekly thing regarding Smash Bros. because this game is too fun to not talk about. It's a fighting game that got it's start with the N64 and has been a huge success since then. I thought maybe it would be fun to talk about my favorite champs at least once a week. Not so much of a competitive/tier review because I think I have no place reviewing champs in that way. I love this game casually but know I stand no chance in competitive. More or less I'll be talking about why/how I have fun with champs. Also talk about what I think I suck at and needs to be worked on.

luigi_fireballWithout further delay let's get started with the terrible yet amazing green missile that is Luigi. He's been a member of the Smash Bros. roster since the beginning. He was an unlock-able champ in the original title but I never played him much then. Hell it's been so long I don't even remember who my main was in the old games. The tall dorky dude is usually in the main man Mario's shadow but with games like Luigi's Mansion, he finally gets the lime light he deserves. Also the fact that Luigi is all about the green he definitely gets extra points.


 His move set is sort of weird, at least for me, and requires some thinking to get around all the different styles in Smash. The more mechanically sound players might have an easier time at this since they can sneak in attacks better. For me I find that Luigi has a lot of very telegraphic moves that make it even harder for me to get damage done sometimes. But the funny sounds and the rewarding feeling of landing an Up+B attack for a K.O. is unmatched in my book.

If anyone reads this that is mechanically sound and knows some tricks with Mr. Green please by all means comment away. Like I said I just like talking about and playing Smash Bros. but I am in no position to give tips or tell people how to play. 

All-in-all I give Luigi a very serious score of 8 Luigi Cyclones out of 10.


With love,
Nubby

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Finally Tried SMITE

First off blogging on your phone in a waiting room is weird and also limited. MOVING ON!

I have held off trying SMITE for a long time. Which now that I've tried it is regrettable. After grinding my face through League of Legends ranked queues it was nice to go back to simplistic gameplay. By simplistic I mean since I'm just starting there isn't the worry of performing like in ranked. Playing SMITE currently gives me enjoyment that I felt when I first picked up LoL. 

I realize there is so much to SMITE that I don't know yet but some things transfer over quite nicely. Basics of each type of champion seem to come more easily to me. Such as hunters being closely related to an AD Carry or a Guardian which is best described as beefy fun support classes. The biggest thing I like about SMITE though? Skillshots. Everything is a skillshot and with the changed viewpoint you can always have a chance of turning around a fight. 

On top of the view change all the champs are super fun for me. It's all based on ancient mythology through many different cultures. Being the huge nerd I am I have always loved mythology. Some of my favorites come from Norse and Greek myths. So I have already spent quite a bit of time reading through all the Gods. You can physically see the differences in styles between cultures which adds to the variety. 

I will most likely put more time into SMITE in the future but for now wanted to express my excitement for it. Specially while sitting at the hospital waiting for the broken radiation machine to work again. Ohhhh the woes of the medical field. No big deal though. Just means I'll be leaving here to run errands as soon as possible. If this busy day gives me a break at any time I'll either play SMITE or get the chance to play with my buddy Sheepy or Taeyeon Pie or Getty or Pyrax. Whichever name he chooses to go by at the time. Friend of many avatars but always Sheepy to me I think. 

With love,
Nubby

Friday, September 12, 2014

Predictions: TSM vs. SK Gaming - September 18th

PREDICTION
TSM Wins after clutch teamfight play



Key Points for Success:
  • Dyrus doesn't go on tilt
  • Bjergsen's shot-calling doesn't affect his individual play
  • Keep Turtle in check
  • TSM's lanes win early 

These two teams are very different in play style. For SK they will rotate around the map and take whatever inches you give them. While they are excellent at rotating their lanes can get them behind early. By everything we have to go off of right now TSM should have the early game. 

I don't think Jesiz has a chance against Bjergsen in the mid lane. The only thing that will slow down Bjergsen from taking over is his own shot-calling which can be very very out of sync sometimes. 

Turtle and Lustboy should have no problem in the bot lane unless some unforeseen event takes place to put them behind early. Lustboy and Turtle even with the language barrier have constantly been getting better and better together. As long as Turtles aggressive play style is unleashed at the correct times the bottom lane is TSM.

The jungle matchup between Amazing and Svenskeren is a little tougher to predict. Sven will try pushing any advantage he sees to open up SK's terrific rotations around the map. Amazing, who has been struggling the most on TSM, will need to keep tabs on Sven early to keep his lanes safe.

Dyrus and Fredy are both very reliable for their teams. They both have been the solid players a team needs when consistent play is needed. Look for SK to try putting Dyrus behind so he doesn't have the chance to unleash the beast that IS Dyrus. Both are consistent enough that without jungle assistance I don't think either one will grab solo kills.



The main point for TSM is not allowing their early game prowess to fall short. If SK gets an early lead I believe it will be hard for TSM to keep up since they seem to be slow on rotations a lot of the time (they improved a lot though as seen in the finals against C9). SK loves to out maneuver their opponents and fight on their own terms. Meanwhile, look for TSM to grab an early lead to brute force their way into team fights where the individual skill can reign supreme.

My overall prediction on this matchup is TSM will get an early lead. SK will claw their way back with a good rotation and misplay on TSM's part. TSM will catch SK in advantageous teamfight to come up with the win. 

With love,
Nubby

All pictures are owned by Riot and were taken from lolesports.com 

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Riot's World Championship Ban on Incarnati0n Was Correct Action

Unless you follow the League of Legends competitive scene closely you might not even know who I am talking about. So to start off this article let's get some introductions in order to better understand the topic. The main subject of this is a player by the name of Nicolaj "Incarnati0n" Jensen from Europe. Jensen as a player is terrifically skilled in not just League but also had success in World of Warcraft arena at one point. Unfortunately for Jensen alongside his skill is an outstandingly bad attitude. If there ever could be a poster child for being a toxic player Jensen could be it. To give an idea of how toxic this player has been we can look at the disciplinary action taken by Riot. The company has issued a permanent ban on Jensen's username Incarnati0n and any future usernames he might hold in the game. Meaning that Riot themselves never want Jensen playing their game...ever. The original ruling, which can be found HERE, from the eSports team of Riot was the following:

Relevant Rules
The Summoner's Code establishes the standards of behavior for all League of Legends players.

Analysis
Jensen has consistently disregarded the letter and spirit of the Summoner’s Code. His disrespect for the rules of the game is unacceptable for any player, especially a high-profile eSports competitor who has a regular opportunity to lead the community by example.

Ruling
Jensen has violated the Summoner’s Code in a persistent and remorseless fashion.

Competition Penalties
Jensen is:
  • Ineligible to compete in the LCS Season Three European Qualifier in Warsaw, January 25-27, 2013.
  • Ineligible to compete in the LCS indefinitely; this suspension shall commence immediately.
  • Ineligible to compete in any Riot-affiliated League of Legends tournaments indefinitely; this suspension shall commence immediately.


So now that we know a little bit more about our beloved Nicolaj Jensen let's talk controversy. Jensen since his ban has become the known coach for the professional LCS (League Championship Series) team SK Gaming. SK Gaming has undoubtedly improved under Jensen's guidance to the point they earned themselves a trip to the World Championships in South Korea. This next bit will be confusing and hopefully you can follow along :D

Because Riot's rules/regulations throughout the LCS don't officially recognize coaches Jensen was allowed to come to the LCS studio as a "team guest". Keep in mind that until this point Riot never officially came out and said that Jensen was the SK Gaming coach. I'm assuming that Riot didn't want people to know that Jensen was the coach. The problem that has arisen now is that at the World Championships coaches will be recognized as part of a team by Riot. This decision also caused the ruling to be made that Jensen will not be allowed to be the team's coach at the championships. This means that Jensen is not allowed to be with the team backstage in the prepping areas for games. Which can be crucial if your coach has things to go over with you between games in series matches. 

A backlash has erupted from parts of the community accusing Riot of purposely lowering SK's chances of winning. The community tried especially to go after Riot's wording in their original penalties to Jensen. Mainly that, in the ruling, Jensen isn't allowed to "compete" in any League of Legends tournament. This attempt to spin Riot's words around by people is a joke and here is my reason why. People want Riot to recognize coaches as PART OF A TEAM in League of Legends righhhtttttt? Well if Jensen is the coach and PART OF SK Gaming then that means he competes WITH the team. Since a coach still competes on another level with a team that means Jensen's penalties still apply to him. If you don't think that's true then he shouldn't be called the coach. That's like saying any professional sport coach isn't actually part of a team or compete with them. Riot was being nice to Jensen by not calling him the coach during the season and allowing him into the studio as a "team guest". Most likely this ruling would have happened sooner if Riot came out and said he was the coach publicly during the LCS splits.

Some in our community think he should be given a clean slate and allowed to start over. Why? He has been given the chance to redeem himself multiple times and failed at it. The point is that Jensen made the decision to be the toxic player that our community complains about everyday. The consequences are his to face and because of this he might have brought SK Gaming down as well. Riot can't just give someone a clean slate because they did some good things for a team behind very closed doors. Then every permabanned player would want another chance. There is a reason it's called a PERMANENT BAN and it's because Jensen made choices on how to treat people online in a video game.

Personally it makes little sense to me why SK picked up Jensen as their coach. Did they really think there wouldn't be any issues with it? They could have kept Jensen on as a consultant or analyst but because they went with coach they now have problems. I don't feel sorry for Jensen (obvious reasons) or SK Gaming but I hope that for next season they can work this out with Riot. It seems that Riot is ready to make an example out of Jensen in some way to be honest. To show that they are ready to be serious with the disciplinary action they drop on people. If Jensen truly has changed then good luck to him with working this out with Riot but I wouldn't hold my breath. Being that toxic just doesn't go away in my opinion and can re-surface at a moments notice. Unless this ruling and situation has truly made Jensen fully realize his errors.

So what do you think? Do you think Riot should turn a blind eye to everything Jensen has done in the past and give him another shot as coach? Let me know in the comments below and good luck to SK Gaming on the Worlds stage with/without their coach.

With love,
Nubby

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Can't Sleep - Cancer Post

So once again I find myself awake a lot longer after work than I should be. I'm tired that's for sure but every attempt at sleeping at these times is a struggle. I will say this, I have watched How To Train Your Dragon every day this week so far. There are also zero regrets on that one because this Friday is the sequel! This is one of the movies I'm really excited for this year for sure. Hopefully the early showings this weekend aren't crazy packed :D

From how my attempts at sleep go I'm pretty sure the reason it's hard is from what I think about. That's really the reason for this post is I just need to type thing out. There are things that need to be put down because there isn't enough room for all that.

For instance, I will most likely go see How To Train Your Dragon 2 but part of me will feel bad because of my situation. Since I have all these bills coming in from cancer treatments I've started to be scared of spending money. Anytime I think about spending money there always this feeling of guilt since I should be saving money for the bills. Maybe I'm just being a little too hard on myself at this time since all this is getting pretty stressful.

The other side of the coin is any trips that I have planned with friends or family have either been modified or cancelled because of all this. Do I really have to put every thing I wanted to do for myself or my fiance on complete hold? Or forget about the ideas completely because I will either be too weak, too sick, getting treatment, or surgery, or going to check up with doctors, etc.

So I feel terrible for spending some money for personal/family enjoyment but also for screwing with a year's worth of plans. All this because of my cancer and stuff. Maybe like I said before I'm just being hard on myself.